A recent letter to the advice column “Dear Abby” highlights a troubling dynamic in a long-term marriage, revealing how financial disagreements can escalate into emotional distress. The writer, identified as “Takeout in Ohio,” describes her husband’s controlling behavior during what should be a simple task: ordering fast food.
In her letter, she detailed an incident where her husband insisted she confirm the price of each item while placing an order. When a price discrepancy arose, an argument ensued, leading to her husband dismissing her concerns. The woman expressed frustration, noting her medical condition, which makes mental math challenging. She emphasized that they could afford the meal and criticized his controlling nature, describing it as emotionally abusive.
“This has been a LONG 40-plus years that I’ve had with him,” she wrote, indicating that this behavior is not new. The husband, now 64, seems to carry the scars of a difficult upbringing, which may contribute to his current attitude towards finances.
Abigail Van Buren, the column’s author, advised that the husband should take the lead in future orders. She suggested he could dictate the prices for her to record and calculate himself, minimizing the conflict. Van Buren pointed out the unhelpful nature of his comments about leaving, advocating for communication and understanding instead.
In a broader context, Van Buren reminded the couple that if financial disagreements persist, seeking marriage counseling could be a more effective solution than considering divorce, which could incur greater costs.
In a separate response, Van Buren addressed another letter from “Regretful in the Midwest.” Kevin H. from California critiqued her response regarding workplace harassment of transgender individuals. He emphasized the importance of reporting such behavior to supervisors or human resources, noting that discrimination in the workplace is no longer tolerated.
Van Buren acknowledged the feedback, admitting that her previous terminology regarding transgender issues was outdated. She recognized the shift in language following the publication of the DSM-5 by the American Psychiatric Association, which replaced the term “gender identity disorder” with “gender dysphoria,” clarifying that gender nonconformity is not a disorder.
The conversations sparked by these letters illustrate the ongoing challenges many face in relationships and the workplace. The advice shared in “Dear Abby” continues to resonate, reflecting societal changes and the importance of open dialogue in addressing personal conflicts.
Readers can contact “Dear Abby” at www.DearAbby.com or through traditional mail at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
