A letter addressed to the long-established advice column “Dear Abby” has drawn attention for its candid reflection on marriage and personal fulfillment. A reader, identified as Unsettled in New Jersey, has expressed a deep sense of dissatisfaction after 38 years of marriage, questioning whether their commitment has been driven by obligation rather than genuine happiness.
In the letter, the writer reveals a history of enduring a lifestyle that they believe was shaped by early responsibilities, including parenthood. They contemplate whether they should have ended their marriage after their first child was born, indicating a struggle with feelings of regret and a desire for personal freedom. The letter highlights a common dilemma faced by many individuals: balancing family obligations with personal contentment.
In response, Abigail Van Buren, known for her practical and compassionate advice, emphasizes the potential consequences of a divorce at this stage in life. She points out that such a decision could significantly disrupt the family unit that has been nurtured over the years, including three adult children and four grandchildren.
Van Buren suggests that the writer carefully consider the implications of a divorce, noting the emotional pain and financial expenses that could arise. “Once you have your ‘freedom,’ what do you plan to do with it?” she asks, encouraging a thoughtful assessment of the potential outcomes.
To gain clarity, she advises Unsettled to engage in discussions with a licensed counselor. This professional guidance may provide new perspectives on their situation. Additionally, Van Buren recommends compiling a list of reasons to remain in the marriage and contrasting those with reasons for wanting to leave. She believes that reviewing this list after a few days could yield valuable insights.
“Life is not perfect,” Van Buren concludes, “but if you are truly unhappy, it should never be too late to make a change.”
The column, written by Jeanne Phillips, who continues the legacy of her mother, Pauline Phillips, serves as a reminder of the complexities of long-term relationships and the importance of addressing personal happiness. The advice offered resonates with many who may find themselves in similar circumstances, facing the challenge of reconciling familial duties with individual aspirations.
For those seeking guidance, “Dear Abby” remains a widely accessible resource. Readers can reach out through the website www.DearAbby.com or send letters to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
