Letters to the widely read advice column “Dear Abby” reveal common marital and emotional challenges faced by couples. In two recent letters, a Canadian woman expresses frustration with her husband’s expectations regarding intimacy, while a Texan widow grapples with profound grief following her husband’s death.
In the first letter, a woman from Canada shares her struggle with her husband, who pressures her for intimacy, particularly before her menstrual cycle. After 18 years of marriage, she describes how her husband’s need for closeness transforms into anger and distance when they cannot connect, especially given his frequent absences due to work. He often returns home late after volunteering, yet he blames her for not making time for him.
The letter poses a critical question: “Is it right for him to be angry with me over something my body does naturally?” The advice provided by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, is assertive. She emphasizes that it is unreasonable for the husband to express anger over a natural biological process. Van Buren suggests that the couple should consider speaking with a licensed marriage and family therapist to address their issues and reach a compromise. She stresses the importance of mutual consent in marital intimacy, stating that it should be a loving act rather than an obligation.
In a separate letter, a woman from Texas reflects on her profound loss after her husband passed away from cancer five months ago. She describes the emotional turmoil she experiences when listening to music or watching films that remind her of him. Throughout his illness, she dedicated herself to his care, and now she contemplates her future.
Van Buren responds with compassion, acknowledging the deep void left by the woman’s husband. She advises focusing on self-care and maintaining an active lifestyle to combat feelings of depression. Simple activities such as walking for half an hour each day or volunteering in the community can help rebuild her social life. While she cannot guarantee that these actions will lead to another romantic relationship, they can improve her overall well-being and increase her chances of finding companionship.
These letters highlight the complexity of relationships, addressing both the challenges of intimacy and the process of grief. They serve as reminders of the importance of communication and self-care in navigating personal struggles.
“Dear Abby,” founded by Pauline Phillips and now written by her daughter, continues to provide a platform for individuals seeking advice on a range of personal issues. Individuals can reach out through the official website or by mail to share their own stories and seek guidance.
