A mother has expressed deep concern over her 23-year-old son, Ed, whose lifestyle has significantly changed since he started dating his girlfriend, Emily. Previously dedicated to fitness and maintaining a healthy diet, Ed now appears to have abandoned his routine, prompting worries that Emily’s influence may be altering his character.
In a letter to advice columnist Abigail Van Buren, known as Dear Abby, the mother described Ed as once being clean-cut and committed to working out regularly. However, she has noticed troubling signs, including Ed’s lack of personal grooming—he has not cut his hair in over two years—and a noticeable decline in his physical fitness. The mother is particularly concerned about Emily’s hygiene habits, mentioning instances where she found Emily’s lingerie left in their home.
The mother believes that Emily’s lifestyle, which she describes as the “complete opposite” of Ed’s previous habits, is influencing her son negatively. She stated, “This is not who we are as a family,” and emphasized that both she and her husband maintain a fit and orderly lifestyle in their sixties. The mother is torn about whether she should address her concerns directly with Ed, fearing that doing so might strain their relationship.
In response, Dear Abby advised the mother to reconsider placing the blame solely on Emily. Abby noted that changes in Ed’s behavior are ultimately his own choices. She suggested that if Ed still resides with his parents, it would be acceptable for them to set boundaries regarding cleanliness in their home. Alternatively, if Ed and Emily live independently, Abby recommended providing them with practical solutions, such as a hamper for dirty clothes.
In another letter addressed to Dear Abby, a widow reflected on a secret from her past. After losing her husband of 56 years, she pondered whether to reveal to her adult daughters that she and her husband had eloped in Las Vegas before their formal wedding in California. The couple married secretly when she was just 19 and he was 22, a decision she now considers foolish due to the cultural expectations of her family.
The widow, now living in Washington, holds onto both marriage certificates and is conflicted about the significance of the elopement. Dear Abby reassured her that eloping out of love is not something to be ashamed of and suggested that keeping the marriage license secured would be wiser than destroying it.
These letters highlight the complexities of familial relationships and the challenges of navigating personal changes influenced by significant others. The responses from Dear Abby provide a glimpse into the delicate balance of addressing concerns while respecting individual choices.
Abigail Van Buren has been offering advice through her column for decades, continuing the legacy established by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Readers can reach out to Dear Abby via her website or by traditional mail for further guidance on their personal dilemmas.
